Just Die Already: Most Annoying Characters Ever

FT 10/19/04 12:48am

I am among my people. At last, I can stand tall, stand proud, and say, "Frodo Baggins is a worthless sack of crap." That wretched half-assed accent; that bad perm; that gag-inducing introductory scene that almost ruins the entire trilogy. Any character that can make Ian McKellan (almost) look like a nimrod is no friend of mine. And in other film:

I really hated her as the elderly Rose.

Am I supposed to like her just because she's old? Best supporting actress my ass! Homegirl won a SAG award for this?! I sooooo wanted her to fall off the boat.

There's a little known actress named Cynthia Stevenson who annoys the crap out
of me in every movie she's in.

Cynthia Stevenson is such a bitch as Holly Hunter's sister in Home for the Holidays. She's so mean to Holly & Robert Downey Jr! And her daughter was a bitch, too.

As for all this Ferris Bueller chatter, my fingers are in my ears, my eyes are shut, and I'm chanting, "Lalalalalalala I can't heeeaaar yooouuu!" Although you've made me realize what I've always known to be true, deep down in my heart: Cameron & Sloane forever!!!

* * * *

Some time has passed and as I've roamed the forums, I'm reminded of my very heartfelt, passionate feelings about a low-budget, little known movie by the name of Spiderman 2. Maybe this belongs under "Unpopular Opinions", but so strong are the flames of my hatred, I think my opinions are best rendered here. I was flailing - flailing! - in my seat, impotent in my rage, feeling real anger, at having to sit through such a gigantic turd that people I trusted - famous people & real live (formerly) trustworthy friends alike - hailed as "the greatest superhero movie ever made." Peter Parker, as depicted by Tobey Maguire, is a total fucking whiner/pussy/douchebag who should have gotten run over by that fucking train. Not since Martin Lawrence in Thin Line Between Love & Hate have I felt such hatred toward a character, and I really, truly, wished he would die, and take his useless girlfriend with him.

(and later:)

Sometimes it's nice to leave the theater at that point.

It's the principle of the thing! I hate being a quitter. And in every movie that I really hate, there's always at least one thing that's good. In Spidey it was some of the Doc Oc stuff - a legitimate Sam Raimi moment in the operating room! What a shocker! (Even in Thin Line, Lynn Whitfield was really good, even if the character written for her by Asshead Martin was total shit.) Also, I'm a total optimist, especially when I want it to be a good movie.